{This Moment..Let's keep it forever.}

My school has a screwed up system.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

So many things happened today. I think I'm super stressed.

Firstly, there's the problem with the Bio marks. I didn't clarify which test was considered and gave the wrong marks to my Bio rep. =.= Yes, I know it was stupid. So now my marks dropped from 15.5 to 6.5 over 20. Then the teacher said cannot change le. I wanted to rip her head off. The progress report was printed TODAY. Not yesterday. Not the day before yesterday. BUT TODAY. So can't she simply walk over to the general office or something and type in a few numbers? Would it kill her to help a poor student in need? Just because she refused to help, my A1 became an extremely lousy fail. Well, too bad for her. I'm not so kind to teachers who refuse to give me my marks. Tomorrow is meet-the-parents session and I can tell you... Some teachers are going to receive the hell they have been longing to get since they incurred my wrath. So damn angry. I'm not going to let her off so easily. Though she is usually a nice teacher, her laziness has apparently made me really pissed off. That's the thing about young teachers nowadays. They have no drive. They don't care about their students at all. They just wanna get their job over and done with. If that's the case...then why bother to be a teacher in the first place?

If you wanna be a teacher, you must know that there is a lot required from you instead of just doing your job. You, yourself, are the very embodiment of the teaching system and you need to inspire the students and win their hearts OR respect instead of simply teaching nonsense. Yes, I know. Sometimes teachers have a hard time as well. But have you given a thought about how things became that way? Everything has a cause and effect. If you have a student who hates you, there must have been something that made him/her hate you so. It could be anything ranging from the way you teach to the way you speak to the students. I, myself, have seen countless (okay, maybe not that much.) of wonderful, inspiring and amazing teachers that made me give every single last bit of respect to them.

Why? It's because they are different. They bother to CARE.

Some teachers just keep giving lots of homework cuz 'the parents says so'. Then the students file countless of complains against that teacher and she screams that she's under a lot of stress. What about the poor students she taught then? Don't they have stress? I've seen my friends struggle through the whole night with their homework, just simply trying to finish FIFTEEN chinese newspaper articles in one night. My heart bleeds for them and I'm sure they feel upset as well.

We study, they work. That's how the school works. Sad thing is, there's not much love left in this world and even teachers refuse to gave a damn about us. I'm not saying ALL of them are like that...but most of them nowadays are just hopeless. I just feel so damn frustrated and sad for the whole student cohort. It's like...for example, a problem student is giving the teachers a hard time. Instead of trying to find out why the student was behaving in such a way, they simply send them for detention, couselling and whatnot. I'm not saying that the teachers should be some kind of busybody or anything, but I'm sure, if even ONE teacher bothered to help that student, he/she would try to change himself/herself. Then few years down the road, the student would come back and tell the teacher how much he/she had changed his/her life.

A simple gesture. A little love.

That's all it takes to find your way into people's hearts.

Some teachers bully other teachers. Some teachers are being oppressed by other teachers. Then when MOE comes, everybody puts on a facade, just to be a 'good school'. Why in the world do they even bother? When the teachers in the school are already screaming to want to commit suicide (yes, there was one who freaked out and said so. Maybe he was simply joking.) , why do the school even bother to put on such a mask? Solving problems need us to go straight to the root and not wander around, trying to pretend the problem does not exist. We can't 'open one eye and close one eye' forever.

I think I'm going to cry. This situation is so damn sad. We're all so pathetic. I'm just gonna be emo.

I can't deny that I miss everything in my primary school. My friends, my teachers....the joy we had. Yet people have to move on. We can't think of the past for so long as it would only torture us. So what if we cry? Nothing changes. It's been like that for ages.

The principal also never bothered about us. Maybe it was because she'll eventually leave the school one day and she figured, "Heck. Why do I need to bother about these small little insignificant children? I'll just do my job." And because of that, there we go again. I remembered she used to struck me as a money-faced person who didn't care about the student welfare in sec one. But as I went to sec two and had a concert with my CCA, she did something that I would probably never forget. She walked to the backstage and smiled at all of us, and when she saw some of us shivering, she took down her shawl and placed it around us. I was so touched at that moment. See what I mean? A simple gesture. My perspective changed since then. She was no longer the money-faced person behind-the-scenes that did not care about us. Though I'm still not that approving of her, I can tell that I won't forget what she did for an extremely long period of time. I thought about it and wondered, was she trying to put on a facade once again? Just like she always do in front of us.

Teenagers and children can tell when an adult is smiling sincerely or simply smiling for the sake of smiling.

My life surprises me sometimes. I go through the craziest things and learn so much. Especially since secondary school. I feel less like a helpless girl who only knows how to hide behind my friends. God. I seriously miss them though. I still remember the times we smiled and played together. They taught me how to live and I'm still currently learning till this day. They were the onces who hurt me when we argue, but they were also the ones who stood fiercely between me and the person who wanted to bully me. They were the ones who were there when I cried. They were the ones who gave me a packet of tissue paper and said softly, "Shang. It's okay. You can stop crying already..."

I never hated them. I never...ever said I would hate them for anything they did. Heck, they can even betray me real bad and all I'll do is shrug.

My secondary school friends also care a lot, I can tell. Hwee Tian taught me how to hold my head up high and be a confident person. Kiat Ni taught me how strong friendship can be and how to laugh. Cheryl taught me that a person can have many personalities but it always boils down to only one true face. Pingping taught me what it means to be protective and care for your friends.

And somehow, I can see the shadows of my primary school friends in them. The smiles, the laughter, the love they gave.

It was once said that human bonds where the strongest emotions that can be felt in this world. I think it's true. Through school...through them...I've learnt so much.

And...these are...certain things that I would never forget. Never ever forget.

1:47 AM i need you.