Ah. Cannot post. So I shall copy and paste the lyrics for all. ___________________________________________________________________
Artist: Mika Nakashima Song: Sakura iro mau koro (Japanese title) When The Colors Of Cherry Blossoms Dance (English title)
When the colors of cherry blossoms danced I was alone In my heart, I couldn't hold back I was standing stock still
When the colors of new leaves sprouted My memories overflowed I lost sight of everything And washed away toward you
Only the surrounding trees Were looking at the two of us As they softly tell us That we shouldn't stay in one place
Dyed the color of dead leaves Next to you The fading days are Changing into love
Please trees Protect my feelings Softly shake the leafs above us Just one more time
Before long, the seasons will Carry us off to somewhere I was softly holding on to The one reality that I was certain of
When I'm covered in snow My feelings go astray And my footprints disappear A soundless trick
Please trees Protect my feelings Continue to live here And put an end to us within "eternity"
Only the surrounding trees Were looking at the two of us As they softly tell us That we shouldn't stay in one place
When the colors of cherry blossoms dance I'm alone I've reflected thoroughly upon My feelings for you ___________________________________________________________________
Btw...I have not removed Yuki no Hana since someone strongly objected. So enjoy, everybody~
Well...because I need not look at some people and stuff at school!
Wonderful wonderful world.
Heh.
So excited. xD
Anyways...yesterday was at my brother's inline skating class and looking around. I have to say...wow. Like...no wonder girls always say that singapore has very little good-looking guys. They are all doing inline skating there! Being the curious little kitty I was, I spied on everybody on the court LOL. (and I mean everybody...ranging from cute little kids to good-looking instructors.)
The kids are so cute they make you wanna hug them.
The guys are so cute that you stare at them.
LOL. Joking joking.
Well...it was a nice walk yesterday. Felt much lighter after that.
I suppose I really needed a breather from the crazy things I've been through recently.
My school's social life has been spiraling downwards. Still, I've already adapted to that. In fact, I kind of like being alone now. I mean...why force your ideas on people? Would you die if you had no good friends at school? Must you REALLY need someone to accompany you when you eat?
I've decided to be self-reliant.
I dream of the day I would be able to smirk at a certain someone and yell...
"HA! In your face!"
LOL. I'm insane.
Hm...so many problems at school recently. I've been so upset about so many things. Even my best friend made me cry like there's no tomorrow. Still, i've understood that it is time to pick yourself up and go. Of course, it would be tiring to run the extra distance which everybody had covered when you fell down. But you have to do it! And one day, you would catch up with them. Then, you can smile and say, "Hey guys!"
Ooh. I forgot something very important. Yesterday when I was at the inline skating class and looking around, I saw an Indian mother teaching her child about the importance of falling down and getting up. She was firmly saying, "You must be brave and try to stand up. If you fall down, it's okay. Because everybody else is falling down as well! See? Those children down there can't skate that good as well, but they know that they have to get up when they fall down! That's what you have to do!"
I was like...wow. O.O
I love the way she teaches her child. I'm sure he'll be an outstanding person in the future.
Yup. She's right. When you fall, no matter how hard, you must stand up again.
Friends, family...and people who are close to you are the people who would grab your hand and lift you up. But the most important thing is that you must make the effort to stand up yourself. =D
Of course, somewhere on the road, a friend would turn against you and push you down or maybe you would meet an enemy and he/she would try to make you fall. But it's not right to give up! We must try harder and get up. When we do, we're going to outrun that person and win fair and square! We're going to prove that we don't need to use the same dirty, disgusting tricks as that person to win!
And when we do, we'll have a victory dance and smirk. "Ha! In your face!"
Haha. xD
Yup. That's the way we should go.
So this is the special message I would leave for you, my special friends.
The thoughts of you guys are what kept me running in my school. Because I know there are people who still care.
Oh, Joanie...please take care of yourself. You really sounded tired.
Been so long since i've posted. The whole history thing hasn't blown over yet. Well, not much of a surprise really.
Actually, i was even thinking of apologizing to her first. Yet something in me refused to do so. It told me to wait and wait.
Been thinking about the person I used to be...and the person I am now. I can't say that secondary school has done wonders to my personality, but it has certainly altered it. I don't feel as weak as before. I don't cry after everything bad that happens. I've learnt to bottle everything up and cry like mad when I get home.
Oh, did you notice? There's no such thing as "cute" in secondary school. There's only something called "act cute".
Sheesh. Like...what have they been teaching these girls?
Or for another matter, what have they been teaching me?
I feel like...i'm being swayed by these people. They cloud my judgement of others and instill nothing but utter rubbish, jealousy and dislike in me.
So I asked Frank something about my personality. (Man...I can't remember what. ><) He said it was okay. I was less 'explosive' emotionally and all. Like...my emotions don't go running haywire everywhere in one go. He also told me that he thought I was crazy when we first talked.
So I glared at him. xD (well...almost. I was joking with him.)
I feel a certain amount of dislike towards myself now. I don't know how I can ignore this ugly feeling.
Maybe I do despise myself in a sense. Yet i believe that i'm not all that bad.
Artist: Green Day Song title: Wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed The innocent can never last wake me up when september ends
like my father has come to pass seven years has gone so fast wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again falling from the stars drenched in my pain again becoming who we are
as my memory rests but never forgets what I lost wake me up when september ends
summer has come and passed the innocent can never last wake me up when september ends
ring out the bells again like we did when spring began wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again falling from the stars drenched in my pain again becoming who we are
as my memory rests but never forgets what I lost wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed The innocent can never last wake me up when september ends
like my father's come to pass twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends wake me up when september ends wake me up when september ends ___________________________________________________________________
This song is dedicated to all who feels that they've lost their way of life (or 'in' life). I hope that you guys would smile always...
I have to say I'm not a poetic person. Neither do I have such wonderful vocabulary.
Yet I still think I see fit to say that she doesn't repent.
So foolish. So sad.
Too bad. Too sad.
At this rate, either one of us is going to fall and I don't think it's me.
Why, you ask? Why the newfound confidence?
Because I've already Fallen five years ago.
I say we both made the mistake, yet she says "No. YOU made the mistake."
"I am the clean slate, I am the right one."
Let others choose who to believe, she says.
Such irony, considering that almost everybody reads her blog and nobody reads mine.
So you win? So you're popular?
Silly, silly girl. Foolish girl.
I gave her a chance to turn back. To stop her hatred.
Don't worry. Don't cry. Because I'll be there to watch when your anger consumes you.
I'll be there to watch when your hatred eats you alive.
I warned you, didn't I? I tried to be tactful once. I tried to be nice.
Go on, tell the whole world about your story.
I'll be by the side...watching.
By the time you've destroyed yourself, you won't even know what hit you.
Poor girl.
Am I wrong...? Or am I right? Have you already become rotten to the core and I do not see it?
I'm not ungrateful. I do acknowledge your existence and the things you did that brought me joy. Yet you refused to admit that you're in the wrong as well.
Please, if you must. Go on blasting your wonderful vocab at every single human and condemning their english like you always do.
I won't say that I can tell who is the 'winner' of this all. (It has become a competition to survive for you.)
However, I can tell you one thing.
"The tears of pity I might have shed for your sorry state...
Grows stronger and turns into hate."
Sorry...my dear, dear friend.
The Hwee Tian I know, is already dead.
Goodnight, whoever you are. Bless your sorry soul.
You'll realize it soon. ___________________________________________________________________
After comments: Two posts in one day? Amazing. x.x I did feel the need to point out some things to someone though. I hope everybody is a little patient with the stuff I write.
Maybe I should stop this childlish act and stop replying to her blog writings. (Yes, I have to admit that I have been acting like a child who refuses to not have the last laugh.)
But yeah. Watch and see. She'll hurt me real bad some more, but at the end of it...
She'll be the one who gets consumed by the flames of hatred and hell which she had created herself.
There's a lot of things that I would like to say in this blog. Yet I feel that I would most likely aggravate the whole situation. (Not that it isn't already extremely bad now...)
She's ignoring me. She's denying there's a problem. She treats me like glass. I treat her at least like human.
*sigh*
I thought about things long and hard. Like...how we came to be friends and stuff. How did I even meet such a girl who was so sociable and unlike me? I suppose it was because I was late on the first day. She was the only person who had an extra seat beside of her. She struck me as a hardworking girl who always took notes and did her assignments. Slowly, we talked. Gradually, we became the best of friends.
However, even the best of friends would run into loads of trouble along the way. During Sec one, there was a girl named Esther who I disliked (Hweetian mentioned this in her blog when she rammed insults at me.) because of her facade towards everybody. Yet the dislike only lasted a few months, in which after that I turned neutral towards her. I figured that if even one person could say that she was a good friend, she couldn't be all that bad right? (Now, we're sec three and she's my friend. Amazing, isn't it? She's also quite wise about a lot of stuff.)
Hweetian went to be her good friend for like...around one month to three months?
So naturally, I was neglected and stuff. Yet I didn't say anything. I thought that since it was Hweetian who was in charge of her social life and stuff, I didn't have the right to stop her. I kept quiet all the way.(which was quite silly really...)
Until one day, they fell out and Hweetian started to talking more and more to me again.
Usually, someone would be mad at this, right? (Because they might feel that they're the 'substitute' friend.) Yet I wasn't. I just acted as if she took some kind of long holiday away from speaking terms with me and just came back.
Silly, silly shang. Always believing in her.
I see the way she treats me now and I weep in silence. We have been friends for two years already. Yet she would actually think I am the kind of person who would backstab her. This is such a minor thing, yet the way it's going, everybody is going to think I snatched her boyfriend and killed her pet or something. (Not that she has either pets or a boyfriend...I'm just trying to make a comparison. I can't possibly say "Set fire to her house" right? It'll make people imagine things again. =.=)
Every single time she says something harsh to me, I'll simply forgive her within half a second by thinking, "She's a realistic person, that's why she says such stuff. Maybe I'm too emotional."
Stupid, stupid shang. Why did you make yourself seem like the loser?
After thinking for three days, I've realized that she has brought me joy indeed. Yet she knows how to hurt me real bad as well. I've been trying so hard to please her...to give in to her demands...to make her laugh genuinely. So much so that I've forgotten what friendship is supposed to be. Sure, sometimes she has to listen to my nonsense. Yet I don't think I've ever really scolded her or anything.
She said she couldn't be there for me 24/7. Well, I never said I needed her to. I understand that it is insane and that is something even I can't do. So I wouldn't expect it from her as well. We are all humans and there are some things which we can't do. Yet I've come to realize that she's not there at all. I mean, yes...we do have nice moments after school at McDonalds or sitting by the bus stop and chatting...but now it all feels like it was someone else who was doing it with me. During recess, she would always refuse to eat in order to become slim. (Yes. She believes that she can lose weight that way.) So I'll always have to find someone else to accompany me. After school, she'll simply rush home and I don't even have the chance to say 'bye'. (Let alone to have a nice conversation with her.) During class, she's mostly talking to Xinyi and Phyllis. I'm always left in the corner.
Still, I believed.
Then we had this arguement now. I started thinking. (and seriously, I feel like Guy Montag from that lit book, Fahrenheit 451.) I felt a strange sense of feeling that something has been wrong since a long time ago. Maybe I'm just tired. Sick of living in her shadow...sick of being told-off by her for many minor things...sick of trying to make her laugh genuinely.
The way she scolded me in her blog. I dunno...it just...
It just snapped something inside of me and I've come to realize what I have been trying to ignore.
How could she ram such insults and words at me? Just because I critisized her work on the history project? We have already known each other for two whole years damnit. I guess she's too used to being obeyed and having someone to nod and agree at her every movement that she felt betrayed when I said that she didn't do a good job, compared to her usual high standards.
Maybe I just wanna lament and tell the whole world my part of the story. Esther already told her that her tone in the blog is harsh, yet she feels like she's the whole victim of this stupid 'betrayal' thing.
Someone once told me that "it takes two hands to clap, just like it takes two people to start an arguement." There's never complete fault on one person only. I have acknowledged this and took my share of the blame. Yet to me, all I can see is her running away from the problem and making everybody her friend so that I'll most probably be ostracized.
Whatever I say in this blog is what I think. Whether on impluse or not. I would not deny afterwards that I've thought of things this way. However, I hate it when people put words into my mouth and tell lies about me to the whole world.
Through this, I've realized that Cheryl is a good friend. She didn't judge me through one-sided affairs. I'm pretty sure she knows; just like all the others who knew. Her attitude towards me didn't change. Xinyi as well.
Someone told me, "Good friends would trust you and know what kind of person you are. If they ostracize you or hate you just because of one person's point of view, then they aren't exactly the friend you would want."
I believe that the person is right.
I won't scream at Hweetian. Neither would I get upset about her disturbing behaviour towards me in school. She was my friend before, whether I like it or not. Though she has hurt me, I don't believe in crushing her life.
I don't think that by making everybody hate her, I would be happy. I don't think that by making her cry, I would jump for joy. I don't think that by ignoring her or slandering her, I would feel satisfied.
Don't you see...? I've been through this before. I don't want to repeat the same mistake ever again.
She was my friend.
Though I might not want to apologize first or get her back...though I might be being implusive, I kinda believe that I'm not trash or something that can be thrown around or anything. I have never avoided her. Neither would I try to do so now. She can rather jump over her table to get outside than walk past my chair...or disappear when it's recess...
I don't think I would care anymore.
Sure, I was upset for the first day. Sad, angry and disappointed.
However, I can blame myself for the rest of my life and it would only affect me. I don't think she'll even give a damn. She'll probably think that she's still the victim and stuff. So I really should just let things flow along instead of killing myself over a small incident.
This applies to her anger as well. She can't avoid me forever. She can't hate me forever. Anger takes too much out of everybody.
It's time to stop smiling a plastic smile like how a lot of people in sec school do. If you wanna laugh, do it genuinely. If you wanna smile and be friends, do it happily. Don't smile for the sake of making everybody your friend or to 'entertain' people. You'll simply end up disappointing them further.
I believe very strongly that I have been true to myself recently and I am proud of it.
I have my principles and so does she.
Yet our priority is different.
I won't ever be friends with someone whom I dislike or can't along with. I won't ever smile just for the sake of 'entertaining' someone. That's what I believe.
For my friends and for my family, I have decided I'll be a stronger person. I must stick to what I think is right and not give in to what people think. They can ostracize me and all...but i don't think it'll hurt me anymore. Everywhere I go...behind every corner...
I know that there's a friend waiting.
Anyways...yeah. Thanks to Ning, Joanie, Frank, my mum, Cheryl, Xin Yi, Hannah, my choir mates and seniors and everybody who is my friend or family because I am who I am.
I've learnt a lot this time...and I feel that I've become much wiser today.
Oh...and Hweetian? "It's okay. I thought you were my friend too."
You've officially hurt me enough to make me not care whether you're in my life anymore.
I swore I could almost hear him saying that to me.
I remember crying and writing a lot of stuff into a single post last night. Yet I didn't post it in the end. I suppose that it would simply make me take the same kind of hatred as her.
Hm...hatred breeds more hatred. So let's stop the hating.
Many ppl asked me to clarify with her and clear the misunderstanding. Yet I think I also need some 'cool-down' time. Maybe I'm just fed up and stuff.
So much emotional slapping in just one night. Being made to remember awful things which I've done five years ago. Non-stop.
Not gonna continue the thing though. I somehow see no point in it now.
Probably practically the whole school would hate me tomorrow. ^^" But I don't think I can do anything about it. I was once taught that as long as you stand up for what you think is right, it's okay. So I guess I owe her no explaination and the truth would somehow reveal itself one day.
We're too alike. So much so that we can actually hurt each other so easily.
I almost did something that would have killed us both last night. Thank god...Ning, joanie, frank and my mum were there to stop the madness that took over me.
I'm sorry, min. I don't know if you're reading this...but I never forgot what I did to you five years ago. It's been with me ever since and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. Even if you already forgave me.
Well. I guess that wraps everything all up. (Except for the fact that I'm a hypocritical, selfish and mean girl.)
Nah. Just joking. Hope I didn't freak you guys out.
Remember: Live and Repent.
So that's probably what I have to do. ___________________________________________________________________
This is a song for you guys ^^ :
Artist: Staind Lyrics Song: So Far Away
This is my life Its not what it was before All these feelings I’ve shared And these are my dreams That I’d never lived before Somebody shake me Cause I, I must be sleeping
(chorus) Now that we're here, It's so far away All the struggle we thought was in vain All the mistakes, One life contained They all finally start to go away Now that we're here its so far away And I feel like I can face the day I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today
These are my words That I’ve never said before I think I’m doing ok And this is the smile That I’ve never shown before
Somebody shake me Cause I, I must be sleeping
(chorus) Now that we're here, It's so far away All the struggle we thought was in vain All the mistakes, One life contained They all finally start to go away Now that we're here its so far away And I feel like I can face the day I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today
I'm so afraid of waking Please don't shake me Afraid of waking Please don't shake me
(chorus) Now that we're here, It's so far away All the struggle we thought was in vain All the mistakes, One life contained They all finally start to go away Now that we're here its so far away And I feel like I can face the day I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today ___________________________________________________________________
Name: Sakura Rikami
Birthday: 15th June
Location: In the deepest depths of hell
Age: Sure...I'll tell you if you come to hell with me. xD
{Faves/Desires/Wishes}
-I just want someone to release me from my hell.
-Cosplay costumes?
-An Ipod. (I wanna listen to songs!)
-Comics. LOTS of comics.
-Lazy to write the rest...^^"