{This Moment..Let's keep it forever.}

Everything is gone.

Friday, January 18, 2008

When I was younger...I always thought that I should never ever lie to my mother and that I must never disobey her. I always thought...that maybe if I was a good girl, she'll love me more.

I guess I was wrong.

I used to...tell my friends...to think about things from their parents' point of view whenever they have had quarrels with their parents.

I was the perfect child. Understanding...obedient...I don't even go out often.

No wonder my friend once snapped at me and said that I didn't understand.

I was so stupid. I couldn't even tell that all I said was a bunch of crap.

Yeah...look at things from their point of view. But have they ever looked at things from our point of view?

She does love me. I know that. But I wasn't outstanding enough. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't mature enough.

Everything wasn't enough. Don't you think that it was funny?

It's so funny that I think that I can cry.

Why...? Why can't you be more outstanding...? My dearest dearest me.

Why...? Was methodist girls and SCGS too hard for you to get in? My god. What a stupid child. What a stupid me.

I feel like some pathetic kid who can't even do things properly.

I can see her love. I can see it so clearly. But sometimes...you can't seem to stop staring at those two other outstanding girls on the other side right?

Were you wishing that I wasn't so pathetic? Maybe. Cuz I wish so too.

I wish I didn't always made you and father feel so embarrassed.

I wish that I wasn't always overshadowed by everybody.

I wish that I was smarter. I wish that I was prettier. I wish that I was much more understanding.

Every single time I think that I feel that I'm breaking, someone would be extremely kind enough to tell me about how much work they have and how they are worse off than me.

If you think that would make me feel better, well...it doesn't.

Because you know what...? I'll feel sorry for that person and then I'll hate myself for being so whiny over 'a couple of small stuffs'.

If there was one thing my secondary school taught me, was that it doesn't pay to be kind.

When you go to the other classrooms for classes and leave your bag, you'll return to find it on the floor, after it was stepped on about a million times. And guess what? You made sure that you took great care of the other person's belongings. You arranged it nicely and you picked up papers that flew away because of their negligence.

If Freya was here, she would laugh at me. She would say, "See? I told you." And look away from my stupidity.

You treat people nicely...and they backstab you. They tell everybody else what a b**** you have been.

You talk to people nicely...and just because she has a personal grudge against you, she treats you like you are worse than shit. Like you're not even supposed to exist.

You cry...and people laugh at you. They tell you how much of a crybaby you are.

I feel so sad. I feel so heavy emotionally.

I feel like killing everybody and stopping all this nonsense. But I can't...can I?

I warned you, didn't I? I told you that I was going to disappear already. I pleaded with you...I wanted you to understand...

But you ignored my pleas of help.

Now...it's too late. Now...I feel nothing.

Everyone has abandoned me. Everyone tells me..."No. I have not abandoned you. YOU have abandoned yourself and me."

But you know what...? The evil part of me doesn't care.

If you can...

Please save me from my own darkness. Because I cannot hold on any longer.

4:49 AM i need you.

Agito, my dearest Fang King.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

My my. Don't we all just love him?

God. I really lub Agito LOL. He's so cool. =X

I'm currently watching agito videos on youtube.

I think I nearly died-ed in front of the com. xD

Oh...and while watching, I came across this rather funny comment:

"Does Spit Fire REALLY die!?!?Spit Fire can't die.He was,like,the Flame King!I F***ING HATE NIKE AND SORA!! "

(Of course, the censorship was done by me. Can't have vulgarities over my blog, can we? =)

I laughed at this comment lol. Because I thought that it was really so true. When Spit Fire died, (which I still do not believe up till now) I went, "OMG WTH. HE DIED. HOLY. IT'S IMPOSSIBLEE!!!!!" And you can possibly hear my echoes of rage for the next week or so.

It was so sad. (and weird.)

He was one of the characters I liked more in Air Gear...with his funny poses and yet serious expressions.

Agito called him a 'homo' in front of Kazu once. (after spitfire died and kazu tried to train to avenge him.) I thought it was pretty amusing. We all know that Agito isn't really the kindest person with words and spitfire IS a hairstylist.

Air Gear is so insane.

And did I mention that they rip out people's clothes for no rhyme or reason at all? The author simply goes, "Hey! Let's add some flavour!" and some poor girl's clothes gets torn. (and always at the chest part.) For example, the latest clothes ripping was on Simca, by Nike. (Omg. First, he killed spitfire and now he's hitting on Simca!?)

Pervert. x.x

Anyways...I think I'll go attempt to draw Agito later.

I think most probably my next cosplay would be Agito. I can't wait. I'm gonna work hard and pass this year. Then I'll fly into the arms of the costume.

Maybe Hazel will be my Akito. xD It's really up to her.

This is all for today. I actually wanted to blog more...but i guess i lost the beat.

School's been dreadful but still okay to pass. Cuz i have my friends. =)

I miss the old me. (somehow)

P.S: Orca called Agito a genius at battles! LOLOLOLOL. Even the enemy agrees that he's good.

4:41 AM i need you.

Ah Lians, Ah Bengs and gangs.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Just came off from audition...

My last few rounds were inhabited by two ppl...a guy and a girl. They were screaming "KOR!" and "MEI!" all over the place. If I was a mean person, I would roll my eyes. But I wasn't. So what I did was: Keeping quiet and maintaining a calm expression on my face.

It's seriously not that I have anything against god-brothers and sisters. In fact, I think that they're a good thing, especially when you're the only child in your family. But strangely enough, people always...well...they just don't get how important that bond is. They just go, "Heyheyhey! Do you wanna be my gan-kor? (god-brother) You wan? Okay hor! Then we from now on brothers!" And somehow, it makes them unduly happy.

You don't go around and acknowledge any random passerby or some friend that you've met only weeks ago as your god-brother.

Worse still...those two people were ganging up in an arguement with a guy. They were scolding vulgarities all over the place and wasting everybody's time. I don't think that we have donkey years to hear them scolding nonsensical stuffs over and over again. In fact, they only used simple words such as "ccb" or "knnccb" or "dog" (I seriously dunno why they bother with this word.) or "siao" and etc etc.

I think this reflects on their intellect. Honestly. If you want to have arguements, please have it in a civillized way. I didn't want to flame or blog so agitatedly at first...but i think that thinking about it makes me sad and somehow mad.

I pray for their parents. If they were my kids, I'll either beat them up so bad till they've learnt their lesson, or I'll disown them. Maybe it's cuz I had friends before who were very bad too. It hurts me to see them destroy themselves so slowly but surely. Especially the girl...my god. The way she scolded vulgarities...

Do you honestly think a nice man would fall for you and marry you in the future?

I think she'll probably get stuck with hooligans at this rate and her husband will abuse her everyday if this continues. She even asked her 'kor' whether he had a gang. o.O

Like...omg?

So what if he has? Are you gonna mobilize his entire 'brotherhood' to go beat up some guy who dissed you off in audition? That's the funny thing about people. Maple...audition... They are all mindless games which just provide entertainment for the kids who feel stressed over their work.

And are you going to treat it like it's your life and kill someone over it?

"OMG! HE KSED ME! The b******! WE MUST GO KILL HIM." =.=

It's only a monster. I repeat... A monster. ONE monster.

Even if it is a boss monster, it's just ONE monster. Will it kill you to try to find it again? Or you can spend the next two hours of waiting for that ONE monster on more useful stuffs, such as doing your most probably unfinished work and some other things you have lying around in the house.

I feel so exasperated and I don't even know why.

Okay...back to the audition. Anyways...you'll probably ask me, "Since you are so frustrated and you hate them so much, why don't you just leave the room? It's not like there's no other rooms in audition for you to hop to."

My answer to that would be: I only remained in the same room as the intellectually challenged because...

1. I am a kid. I like winning. *smiles*
2. I wanted to teach them a lesson BY winning.
3. I wanted to show them that they're not the BEST in the world. That is a disillusion.

In the end, the guy was super lousy and didn't put up much of the fight. So I played more against the girl. She was chancing and I was not. (In case you don't know, chancing in audition brings about more points. So when you don't chance, you lose out.) Yet I managed to take over her in the last 10 seconds. I bet she'll probably be unable to sleep tonight.

I bet I sound kiddy. But it doesn't matter. Since you're only young for once in your life. I like to enjoy life as it goes by.

To wrap up their little 'game', they went "muackzzzzzz" and "hugs" and "miss you! xD" to each other before they went off.

The Nice Me: Um...okay? o.O
The Mean Me: OMG. I sense incest!

Funny thing was...they were supposed to sorta sms each other later or wadever i think. So I guess the few minutes that they were not seeing each other actually makes them wanna die.

"They scold me ccb nvm. But they scold kor ccb! Cannot forgive!"

*Blows a whistle (the types which the DM uses)*

It's obvious that she has a crush on him. Cuz the guy already said that it was okay le. (a.k.a he calmed down. So it was plus points for his intelligence.) But she wouldn't let it go.

It's true. If someone said something nasty about someone important to me, I'll probably use the death glare and return my vengence twicefold.

But since I'm in a mean state now, I shall bluntly state the obvious: She's just trying to make her 'kor' like her more.

I hope that her 'kor' notices. I mean...they're so matching for each other. =.=

I think I'm just being picky and mean. I dunno. Maybe it's the heat.

I just...really got sick of such people. They really have no lives.

Nobody was born bad. So I really dunno what happened to them.

I feel so mean, so evil and so b******.

*sigh*

I don't even know why I bother to play such mindless games! o.O

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

*runs around screaming*

I need frank. ;_;

I need psycological counseling.

I've been quite irritated at confronting or talking to people recently. I don't know why.

Ever since the start of this year, my dark side has been spilling and overflowing.

I just can't be bother with people and I inevitably direct my anger towards some poor ones. (not the two mentioned above though. =.= They deserve it and all that I've written are truly my heartfelt thoughts.)

I'm really sorry.

I hope I'll get over this stage soon.

7:11 AM i need you.