Today's been a fairly interesting day. I went down and got to see some people playing basketball. They move really fast and you can actually feel the wind as they dash past you. I think guys who play basketball can be quite attractive if they are good. =x However, it always depends...really.
Hannah came over to borrow my com for photoshop usage...It didn't work out so well though... I'm so sorry. x.x
We talked about stuffs and then I got confused about some things again. I wonder if I've been in some bad company lately. All of the sudden, I kinda miss my pri sch friends again. But I don't think we're that close anymore. Nothing will go back to what it was I suppose... Saying so, we do have an outing on next Sat. *nods* and i'm looking forward to it.
Sometimes I think people like to cheat my feelings. They like to torture me and leave me hanging there. I suspect that it's like...their fun and hobby and stuff.
.....yeah right. I'm gullible and a goody goody two-shoes but I hate being used. So don't use me kay? =)
I dislike blogging now. Seriously. I think it's a desperate waste of time and that if you're not careful about what you blog, people will flame you for it.
Hmmmm....what else is there?
Oh yeah. Haven't been talking much to frank lately. In fact, it's astounding that i'm talking more to his friend than him. D=
HEAR THAT FRANK? RAWR. ._.
And when I'm talking to him, he throws squids at me when I'm hungry and tells me to eat them. (Like raw squids. ._. ) Darn you kitty torturer. (HEAR THAT AGAIN FRANK? XD)
Ah...and then there was this issue with Phyllis. She is suddenly a very nice girl to me. o.o I dunno. But I found myself liking her slightly more than before.
The world IS unpredictable.
And then....I thought about HT. Like...how we met...and the way we laughed and smiled together. Even the parts where I was ostracized and how she sorta became my enemy in a timeline of one day. I remembered how everybody...all my friends in school...disappeared and left me just like that.
And that how I coldly felt that I really had no friends. No matter what I did.
It feels strange now...to think about all these. ._. I wondered if they were really my friends, because they disappeared and rejected me when I needed them the most. I gave everything for them, but they couldn't even give me a 'friend'.
I was really so hurt and upset then. I was angry, but I was angry with myself for being friends with them. I kept hurting myself.
So hannah asked me today, "So you realized that they weren't really your friends, but actually your friend's friends?"
My mind went, "Yeah. I guess I did."
Then there was this part...where she asked me if I could have HT back as my best friend, if everything could return to what it was in the past...would I have done it?
I thought about it really hard. If I got back HT back as my best friend, I would cry. I would cry till my eyes bleed and I'll tell her how important a friend she was to me. But...if that were to happen...
I'll lose them. I'll lose Haz, hazel, mirul, hannah, jiale... everybody. I've never told them. But they are really important to me. I can't. I can't lose them.
Part of me didn't want to return to the life I had before. Yet part of me wanted to have her back as a friend. I was told that she probably never forgave me, even if I had forgiven her.
I really miss her. I really do.
When she cried that day, due to her history marks, I stood outside of the cubicle. I wanted to rush in. I wanted to tell her that she had me.
I am your friend...and that's what I'm here for.
But I simply kept quiet. And there was a far-off kind of feeling. She had friends now...but they were more of aquaintances. So she was different from me. She was so lonely.
That said...I don't regret meeting my current friends now. I'm so happy. Everyday I'm with them...I smile and laugh non-stop. I'll give everything for them. Really.
If only we can all continue like this...forever and ever. But I know that the end is nearing. We're graduating soon.
It won't stop us though. =) Hannah said 'to have faith and believe'. I think so too. After all, we're seriously one crazy bunch of people.
Gah. I'm tired. Plus I'm still thinking about my EOY plans for this year since I can only cosplay after my o's. Most probably I'll be doing a guy character, so I don't need to worry about hentai jiji's this time. =.= There has been a rising trend for that and seriously...it's horrendously scary. My cousin was 'busy' and he didn't come with me last year. Thankfully, I was kept safe by my senior, ning, ning's neighbour guy and of course, frank. =D
(No hentai jiji's came near ning because she had the sharp weapon between the both of us and could easily stab them to death... xDDDDDDDDD )
Ahahahahaha.
Wow. I manage to spam such a long post. So I guess you guys are happy? =) I'll go and play fatal frame with my couzzies now. See ya~
Name: Sakura Rikami
Birthday: 15th June
Location: In the deepest depths of hell
Age: Sure...I'll tell you if you come to hell with me. xD
{Faves/Desires/Wishes}
-I just want someone to release me from my hell.
-Cosplay costumes?
-An Ipod. (I wanna listen to songs!)
-Comics. LOTS of comics.
-Lazy to write the rest...^^"