Just when you thought that nobody would hurt you the way some person did when they misunderstood you, someone else does the same funny thing.
I don't blame him though. I wanted to shun him...because I'm too vile. I'm cruel, evil and sadistic. I'm too selfish and I care too much about myself. I like to write stupid rantings into this pathetic page which I call my 'blog'.
I wasn't angry with him. I was just angry with myself. That night, I was just helpless and frustrated. In the end, when he tried to cheer me up, I shoved him to the ground on one side.
I'm not crying. I don't even have the right to cry.
I needed to stop talking to him. I needed to let him move on with his life.
Because he is my close friend.
I don't regret this. I can suffer eternal damnation for all I care.
But I have to leave him. If not, I'll be the cause of his downfall. ___________________________________________________________________
Today's school was a whole lot of bad luck mixed with a tinge of happiness.
I'm officially declared as 'not a human'. I am not qualified to practice with them. I brought the stupid ball for nothing. I kept my hopes up for nothing.
On the happier side, I found a friend in YY. She's a nice girl. It's been long since I've ever come across someone so sweet, cool and nice at the same time.
KN said she read my blog. ^^" I was kinda surprised. Looks like a lot of people know about my blog now. Probably it was publicized when I fell out with a certain someone.
Funny...so funny.
I asked E today why must we (a.k.a the students of our level) participate in backstabbing, gossiping and other stupid stuff which harm people. She replied along the lines of something like 'office politics', 'suffer now than next time' and a lot of the supposingly mature words.
I dunno. My views differ from hers. Why bother to grow up so quickly when you can't be young ever again?
If the world was sweet, fluffy and filled with happy endings, would the people be more happy? Sure, they would be as ignorant as little children...but I don't think that they would be sad.
Am I still a little girl? There's so much for me to understand. But I'm learning too fast that I'm hurting myself along the way.
But people don't understand as well. They think they know, but they are actually as naive as me...or even more so.
Do you know why I despise and dislike people saying that I'm rich?
You say I'm rich...well. I tell you I'm not. Plus, did you ever thought about how I had to suffer from the absence of a father unlike other kids? My father has been away from us for 13 years already.
Do you think we're happy?
We're not. We're downright miserable.
In fact, when I first started to learn about stuff and recognize people, I couldn't even recognize my own father. I simply stared at the stranger who was standing in my parent's bedroom and hid behind my mum when he tried to carry me.
I'm sure I've hurt him.
So don't come and tell me all that crap about being rich. I hate being labelled as such.
Sasuke once said to not compare the pain you feel after your parents scold you, to the pain you feel when you don't have any parents to scold you. It's much deeper and much more painful.
He's right.
Don't assume that everything would go the way you want. Don't assume that you don't need to make sacrifices in order to achieve something you want.
Don't mock me when you don't understand my sorrow and loneliness.
So don't tell me, "Wah. You're very rich leh." or "Qian jing xiao jie"
Cuz you'll deserve a punch from me.
Okay...putting that topic aside. (I have to stop this weird outbreaks.)
I'm not really afraid of being alone in the school, now that I think about it. Maybe it's cuz I've gotten used to being alone. People do mean things to me, but act like it's perfectly normal to do so.
I don't understand why they're doing this. But I don't care anymore.
It was my quarrel with that certain somebody. Not with them. I can't influence them to believe that I'm right, but I hope that nobody has been trying to be extra and badmouthing me from the back. (though, by their reactions, I sincerely think so.)
I'll just have to do my best.
I'm currently still trying to get through this.
Thanks ning and Ian...I know you guys meant well when you wanted to come over yesterday. =) I'm not angry at you. In fact, I'm grateful.
Name: Sakura Rikami
Birthday: 15th June
Location: In the deepest depths of hell
Age: Sure...I'll tell you if you come to hell with me. xD
{Faves/Desires/Wishes}
-I just want someone to release me from my hell.
-Cosplay costumes?
-An Ipod. (I wanna listen to songs!)
-Comics. LOTS of comics.
-Lazy to write the rest...^^"