When I was younger...I always thought that I should never ever lie to my mother and that I must never disobey her. I always thought...that maybe if I was a good girl, she'll love me more.
I guess I was wrong.
I used to...tell my friends...to think about things from their parents' point of view whenever they have had quarrels with their parents.
I was the perfect child. Understanding...obedient...I don't even go out often.
No wonder my friend once snapped at me and said that I didn't understand.
I was so stupid. I couldn't even tell that all I said was a bunch of crap.
Yeah...look at things from their point of view. But have they ever looked at things from our point of view?
She does love me. I know that. But I wasn't outstanding enough. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't mature enough.
Everything wasn't enough. Don't you think that it was funny?
It's so funny that I think that I can cry.
Why...? Why can't you be more outstanding...? My dearest dearest me.
Why...? Was methodist girls and SCGS too hard for you to get in? My god. What a stupid child. What a stupid me.
I feel like some pathetic kid who can't even do things properly.
I can see her love. I can see it so clearly. But sometimes...you can't seem to stop staring at those two other outstanding girls on the other side right?
Were you wishing that I wasn't so pathetic? Maybe. Cuz I wish so too.
I wish I didn't always made you and father feel so embarrassed.
I wish that I wasn't always overshadowed by everybody.
I wish that I was smarter. I wish that I was prettier. I wish that I was much more understanding.
Every single time I think that I feel that I'm breaking, someone would be extremely kind enough to tell me about how much work they have and how they are worse off than me.
If you think that would make me feel better, well...it doesn't.
Because you know what...? I'll feel sorry for that person and then I'll hate myself for being so whiny over 'a couple of small stuffs'.
If there was one thing my secondary school taught me, was that it doesn't pay to be kind.
When you go to the other classrooms for classes and leave your bag, you'll return to find it on the floor, after it was stepped on about a million times. And guess what? You made sure that you took great care of the other person's belongings. You arranged it nicely and you picked up papers that flew away because of their negligence.
If Freya was here, she would laugh at me. She would say, "See? I told you." And look away from my stupidity.
You treat people nicely...and they backstab you. They tell everybody else what a b**** you have been.
You talk to people nicely...and just because she has a personal grudge against you, she treats you like you are worse than shit. Like you're not even supposed to exist.
You cry...and people laugh at you. They tell you how much of a crybaby you are.
I feel so sad. I feel so heavy emotionally.
I feel like killing everybody and stopping all this nonsense. But I can't...can I?
I warned you, didn't I? I told you that I was going to disappear already. I pleaded with you...I wanted you to understand...
But you ignored my pleas of help.
Now...it's too late. Now...I feel nothing.
Everyone has abandoned me. Everyone tells me..."No. I have not abandoned you. YOU have abandoned yourself and me."
But you know what...? The evil part of me doesn't care.
If you can...
Please save me from my own darkness. Because I cannot hold on any longer.
Name: Sakura Rikami
Birthday: 15th June
Location: In the deepest depths of hell
Age: Sure...I'll tell you if you come to hell with me. xD
{Faves/Desires/Wishes}
-I just want someone to release me from my hell.
-Cosplay costumes?
-An Ipod. (I wanna listen to songs!)
-Comics. LOTS of comics.
-Lazy to write the rest...^^"